~*~*~Abuse~*~*~*~

To find hotlines to call about abuse in your are, click this link.
Hot Peach Pages

Types of Abuse

Becoming aware of the forms that abuse can take helps you to be better prepared to recognize such behavior as abusive. Once you are able to label abuse, you can begin to take steps necessary to stop it from happening or repeating.

    * Verbal Abuse occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves 'putdowns' and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect, and that they do not have ability or talent. If the victim speaks up against these statements, they are often told that the criticisms were "just a joke", and that it is their own problem that they do not find the joke funny. They may also be told that no abuse is happening; that it is "all in their head". Verbal abuse is dangerous because it is often not easily recognized as abuse, and therefore it can go on for extended periods, causing severe damage to victim's self-esteem and self-worth. Damaged victims may fail to take advantage of opportunities that would enrich their lives because they come to believe they are not worthy of those opportunities.

    * Psychological Abuse (also known as mental abuse or emotional abuse) occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person's sense of reality; what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. For example, psychological abuse might occur when a pedophile tells a child victim that she caused the pedophile to abuse her because she is a 'slut' who 'tempted' the pedophile. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes. It may be emotional abuse in this sense when it is designed to cause emotional pain to victims or to "mess with their heads" in attempts to gain compliance and counter any resistance. Alternatively, psychological abuse may occur when one victim is forced to watch another be abused in some fashion (verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually). Like verbal abuse, psychological abuse is often not recognized as abuse early on and can result in serious sequela (psychological after effects) later on.

      advertisement

    * Physical Abuse occurs when one person uses physical pain or threat of physical force to intimidate another person. Actual physical abuse may involve simple slaps or pushes, or it may involve a full on physical beating complete with punching, kicking, hair pulling, scratching, and real physical damage sufficient in some cases to require hospitalization. In particularly violent instances, people can die from the injuries they sustain while being physically abused. Physical abuse is abusive whether bruises or physical damage occur or not. Physical abuse may involve the mere threat of physical violence if the victim does not comply with the wishes of the abuser, and still be considered physical abuse.

    * Sexual Abuse of children or adults includes any sort of unwanted sexual contact perpetrated on a victim by an abuser. Molestation, incest, inappropriate touching (with or without intercourse), and partner or date rape are all instances of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse also occurs if one partner has agreed to a certain level of sexual activity and another level is forced upon her (or him) without prior explicit consent being given. Sexual abuse is often coupled with physical abuse (or threat of physical abuse) and emotional abuse. For instance, pedophile child molesters will often threaten harm to their victims or to someone or something their victim cares about in order to compel that victim's silence about the sexual abuse or to convince the victim that he or she "asked for it" in some way. Difficult to detect drugs like Rohypnol (known as "Ruffies" on the street) may be put into the drinks of date rape victims (a form of physical abuse) to make them pliable and easy to rape.

    * Neglect occurs when a person fails to provide for the basic needs of one or more dependent victims he or she is responsible for. Basic needs include adequate and appropriate food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and love or care. The idea of neglect presupposes that the neglectful person is capable of being responsible in the first place. For example, it is neglect when an employed parent fails to care for their child adequately. It is still neglect when a parent is unable to provide for their child despite their best efforts due to extreme poverty or illness, but the neglect is perhaps mitigated by the circumstances. Neglect can only happen to dependent persons. For this reason, it most typically involves children or dependent elders who are not taken care of properly by their families or caregivers.

    * Hate Crimes are a type of abuse that involve verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse toward an individual or a group of individuals based solely on some characteristic they may share in common with others such as their religious or sexual affiliations or the color of their skin. In the United States hate crime are defined as crimes in which "the defendant's conduct was motivated by hatred, bias, or prejudice, based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or gender identity of another individual or group of individuals" (HR 4797). In 1994, the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act added disabilities to the above list.

      Hate crimes involve scapegoating; the placing of blame for something that has occurred (or is believed to have occurred; whether or not it really has occurred) on an undeserving individual or group simply because they share characteristics with those alleged to have been involved in the upsetting event. For example, hate crimes against people involved in the Islamic faith rose in the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks after it was made clear that those terrorists subscribed to a form of the Islamic faith. Other examples are easy to list. Attacks on Jews throughout history have been justified by saying that "the Jews killed Jesus". Racial tensions in America and around the world remain high despite years of efforts attempting to lessen such tensions. Attacks on gay people (Matthew Sheppard) and transgender people (Gwen Araujo) occur with frequency because their sexuality is non-mainstream and thus threatening, and because some clergy preach that such non-mainstream forms of sexuality are abominations, using selected portions of the Bible to justify their particular brands of intolerance.

Yes, healing verbal, physical or sexual trauma is possible. The recovery process requires a multifaceted therapeutic process, facilitated by a professional who is trained in mind, body, spirit healing. Traditional therapy focuses on treating symptoms. Treating symptoms focuses on the symptomatic coping mechanisms the person used to survive the pain, i.e. drug/alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, co-dependency, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraine headaches, arthritis, cancer, MS, sexual addiction, etc. The goal of traditional therapy is to create better coping mechanisms. While better coping mechanisms help the person feel better, coping is coping and the person has to struggle to keep the coping mechanisms in place. In contrast once the emotional pain associated with the experience has been identified and healed the person is free to life their life as they choose without struggling to keep coping mechanisms in place.

In order to heal, the root cause of the emotional pain needs to be accessed, processed and healed. Treating 'root cause' focuses on the experience the person endured—the emotional, physical or sexual trauma—and the ensuing aftereffects. Thus, uncovering the experience that created the pain and healing the emotions associated with it is the key to restoring a person to natural wholeness in mind, body and spirit.

The Stages of healing are: Victim, Survivor and Thriver. Each stage has specific issues and unique needs and challenges.

STAGE 1: Victim

Person identifies everything within the context of the trauma, resulting in difficulty functioning in daily life.
• Establish a therapeutic foundation with the professional.
• Educate and support the individual for the recovery process.
• Grieving process needs to focus on specific details of the abuse experience.
• One needs to GO into the Pain to GET OUT of the Pain. The majority of professionals neglect this important recovery process—thinking the person will be 're-traumatized.' If done effectively there is immediate release and relief.
• Identify 'triggers and diffuse them.'
• Identify barriers in treatment and overcome them.
• Process Anger/Rage, Sadness, Shame, Guilt, Humiliation
• Identify themes in the trauma experience and how it impacts the person's functioning.

STAGE 2: Survivor

Person identifies abuse as past and is functioning moderately, but maintains primary identity with the trauma.
• Establish a foundation for deeper work.
• Process Anger/Rage, Sadness, Shame, Guilt.
• Address difficulties with partners/family and develop strategies to deal with them.
• Identify long-term stress and complicated coping mechanisms—replace coping mechanisms with healthy effective behavior and attitudes. Dispel the chicken or the egg dilemma.
• Identify and restructure belief system.
• Prepare for and confront perpetrator(s) and co-perpetrators(s).
• Therapeutic tools include: Guided imagery, therapeutic journal writing, meditation, dream analysis, hypnosis/regression, exercise, dance, music, movement.

STAGE 3: Thriver

Person no longer primarily identifies with the trauma—new awareness regarding trauma is integrated with the remainder of personal history resulting in healthy functioning.
• Establish foundation for the thriver stage.
• Individual develops healthy strategies for living life, able to deal with life's issues with ease.
• Individual lets go of trauma identity and forgives perpetrator(s) and co-perpetrators(s).
• Individual develops strategies to deal with some 'flare ups' of old behavior patterns.
• Individual integrates the trauma with other life experiences—able to talk with ease about the experience of verbal, physical or sexual trauma and by whom.

Many people who come to me have been in traditional therapy for many years—twenty, twenty-two, and thirty years are the highest number of years anyone had been in traditional therapy. Within three sessions in mind, body, spirit healing, they were amazed to notice they felt better than they had felt for as long as they could remember.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, specializes in verbal, physical and sexual trauma recovery. She is the author of the groundbreaking book, If I'd Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention.

[An AMAZING website for abuse]

Effects of Sexual Assault

   * Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Assault

    * Battered Woman Syndrome

    * Body Memories

    * Borderline Personality Disorder

    * Complex PTSD

    * Depression

    * Dissociative Identity Disorder

    * Flashbacks

    * Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

   * Pregnancy

    * Rape Trauma Syndrome

    * Sexually Transmitted Infections

* Stockholm Syndrome